Carrie was probably my most difficult baby! I can say that now, after having had 11! She would NOT sleep and she would NOT nurse well at all. It was Carrie that introduced me to wonderful world of mastitis! I was so very miserable. I think back and I marvel that I was able to endure the well over 6 months of no sleep! I had 4 little children to watch in addition to trying everything I could think of---day and night---to quiet Carrie and encourage her to eat and sleep. NOTHING worked! I remember being so very weary and pleading with my husband if he would just take one night feeding for me, so I could try and sleep for longer than 45 minutes at a time. He was appalled that I would even ask....he later told me that he had talked to those at the Dental School, where he was attending to get his masters, and he also spoke with those he worked with at the Mall Dental Practice in Detroit. He told me that everyone he spoke with shared his disbelief that I would even ask him to sacrifice HIS sleep when he was working and going to school... after all, I WAS JUST a stay at home mom, so what else was I required to do but take care of the children!!! I felt betrayed and alone and hurt beyond belief!
It was during this same time period that a dear friend came over to see what she could do to help me as I was struggling with the mastitis and sleep deprivation. I shared with her my fears that I had made a horrible mistake. She thought I was referring to having so many babies so close together. I assured her that was NOT my mistake, I loved my children and had always wanted a dozen. I had wanted my children close together so that they would have a strong bond with each other! NO, the mistake I felt sure I had made was in my choice of a companion. It was increasingly clear that he was not interested in being a true companion to me. It was a bitter revelation. But, one that I did nothing about until my hand was forced 11 long and bitter years later!
Anyway, back to Carrie! She did finally settle down. It is so ironic to me that at this moment in time, Carrie is in Minnesota assisting her oldest sister with her firstborn son----Trevor. And, as it so happens, Trevor is so very similar to Carrie! HE too has NOT been able to sleep for any length of time---just short cat-naps! And, he too, has had difficulty in nursing. He, too, introduced Bonnie to the world of mastitis! And, it has been vital for Carrie to be there so that she can watch the baby while Bonnie and Scott are able to get some rest! I am so very proud of the fact that Carrie has been willing to sacrifice her time and dreams for this moment to help her sister make the transition to motherhood! I wish I could be the one to be there, caring for both my daughter and my new grandson! What a blessing to be able to send Carrie to take my place, since I still have 6 children at home who need me and depend upon me. I also can not take that kind of time off work either. Being a single mom does have its many limitations!!! But, with the wonderful, awesome, amazing children I have been so blessed to bear---they are for each other exactly what I hoped and prayed that they would be! THEY do have a strong bond of love and concern for each other that is beautiful to behold!
There just is nothing else on this earth as precious to me as my children. It is the greatest joy to see them grow, mature and serve not only each other, but all those around them. Having a son and a daughter serve missions for our church also has been a rich reward.
Carrie was asked to participate in the Miss Bear River Valley pageant this past summer. Again, I was in awe at her poise, her beauty both inward and outward! Her talent posed a huge dilemma. She is an artist, and she wanted to draw a portrait of the Savior to reverent music. The problem, they would ONLY allow her two minutes to complete the portrait. She could NOT begin it early, she could NOT complete it on stage, it ALL had to be done before the audience within the two minute time frame. I was in awe as I watched Carrie practice and practice to get her drawing done within the 2 minute time frame. She went from completing the portrait in 10 minutes to finally mastering it within the 2 minutes! IT was NOT the quality that she had hoped, but, I was amazed at how well she did and what a great portrait she was able to produce. I have witnessed her indomitable spirit all throughout her life. She is constantly beset with setbacks, and yet, I watch her square her shoulders and begin again, as often as she must to finally succeed! She is a marvelous daughter and I cherish our relationship!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
PROPHETS AND APOSTLES ARE ONCE AGAIN ON THE EARTH!!!
Yes! It is TRUE! We do have a Prophet and 12 Apostles that are directed and guided by Jesus Christ and God, our Eternal Father! It is THE greatest GOOD NEWS possible! And, I just want to share that with the world! I am so very grateful that we are so very blessed to have divine direction and revelation once again on the earth! And, every six months, we are privileged to hear them speak! It is the highlight of my year to spend two days just listening to the Prophet and his counselors and the members of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles! As well as the leaders of the women's auxiliaries and the Quorum of the 70.
My children and I have, for years, made this semi-annual event one of the most valued and most anticipated of all events! TO think that we are able to hear the word of GOD given to HIS Prophet and Apostles! It is truly a spiritual feast! AND, I know that I always am so very grateful that we are so blessed!
For years, it was necessary for us to travel to the church and listen to these great men and women via a satellite broadcast. AND, as my husband worked Saturdays, if I wanted to attend, it required a huge effort on my part to get all the children dressed in Sunday Dress, pack whatever provisions we needed, ie. diapers, lunches and quiet toys, to keep all the children quiet and reverent. The broadcast would begin around 11 am and last until 1 pm, with a two hour break, and then there would be the next session that began at 3 pm and last until 5 pm. To conserve on gas and the hassle of gathering all the children---(which, I had up to 9 children while we were in Michigan and of course, all 11 children in Minnesota!) I would just pack for the entire day! Eventually, I hit upon the idea to have the older children rewarded if they were taking notes and paying attention! I brought candy and goodies for all the children that were quiet and reverent enough to allow me to listen to what was being said!
Now, it was completely selfish, my rewarding the children for their reverence! I wanted more than anything, to listen and to learn! FOR me, this was the OIL that I needed to fill my lamp---so to speak! I knew that I would be a much better wife, mother, friend, and neighbor, if I was able to hear what the messages from a Prophet of God! AND, I yearned so for the spiritual renewal that accompanied their messages, and their very spirits! Little did I know that I was planting seeds that would bring forth great fruit! You see, it never occurred to me that anyone would NOT want to participate in Conference! I just never could fathom anyone NOT valuing this sacred privilege to sit, so to speak, at the Prophet's feet!
And, that attitude has been transferred to my children----perhaps it is just the treats that they yearn for, but, in time, I pray it will be far more that they look forward to. For the older children that have already left the nest, I believe that they do consider Conference as valuable as I always have.
I just received today, an email from my daughter who is currently serving a mission for our church. She thanked me for her "conference treat box!" and told me that it provided great comfort to her to know that though we could not be with each other, at least we were all watching conference together---though the distances divide, we were united in our faith, our worship and the messages that we heard, those, we were able to share! She told me how grateful she was that I had always made the sacrifice to take all the children with me and to make it a rewarding experience. You see, many of their friends' parents would take turns attending sessions, so that the children did not have to sit through so many hours of church! But, to me, it was an honor to feel the spirit that was so strongly with those men and women of GOD! And, I was probably even more anxious to listen to all the sessions, because as a youth, we were in Marquette, Michigan and the area stations would only broadcast one session of the five! I had always wished that we could hear each and every session; but it just was NOT a possibility!
SO, my joy was full when I was newly married and I discovered that if we would just go to the Stake Center, where the satellite dish was, we could hear and see every session! What a blessing that has been to me for all these near 30 years! There are some talks that I will never ever forget, as long as I live! There are some moments, where the spirit was so very strong, that there just could be no doubt that a Prophet of GOD was speaking!
I am so very humbled that our Heavenly Father cares so very much about EACH of US that HE provides a Prophet, Apostles and other wonderful, dedicated and worthy leaders to guide, direct and lead us. These awesome men and women are much like the Savior, in that they live exemplary lives and radiate such a light that it just fills my soul with great joy and peace. I am so very grateful for them, for this gospel of Jesus Christ and for the daily help that is available to us all, if we will just pray earnestly! HE DOES HEAR and ANSWER our Prayers! And, HE does speak to HIS PROPHET and APOSTLES and HE DOES DIRECT HIS CHURCH---PERSONALLY! WE DO HAVE AN AWESOME GOD!
My children and I have, for years, made this semi-annual event one of the most valued and most anticipated of all events! TO think that we are able to hear the word of GOD given to HIS Prophet and Apostles! It is truly a spiritual feast! AND, I know that I always am so very grateful that we are so blessed!
For years, it was necessary for us to travel to the church and listen to these great men and women via a satellite broadcast. AND, as my husband worked Saturdays, if I wanted to attend, it required a huge effort on my part to get all the children dressed in Sunday Dress, pack whatever provisions we needed, ie. diapers, lunches and quiet toys, to keep all the children quiet and reverent. The broadcast would begin around 11 am and last until 1 pm, with a two hour break, and then there would be the next session that began at 3 pm and last until 5 pm. To conserve on gas and the hassle of gathering all the children---(which, I had up to 9 children while we were in Michigan and of course, all 11 children in Minnesota!) I would just pack for the entire day! Eventually, I hit upon the idea to have the older children rewarded if they were taking notes and paying attention! I brought candy and goodies for all the children that were quiet and reverent enough to allow me to listen to what was being said!
Now, it was completely selfish, my rewarding the children for their reverence! I wanted more than anything, to listen and to learn! FOR me, this was the OIL that I needed to fill my lamp---so to speak! I knew that I would be a much better wife, mother, friend, and neighbor, if I was able to hear what the messages from a Prophet of God! AND, I yearned so for the spiritual renewal that accompanied their messages, and their very spirits! Little did I know that I was planting seeds that would bring forth great fruit! You see, it never occurred to me that anyone would NOT want to participate in Conference! I just never could fathom anyone NOT valuing this sacred privilege to sit, so to speak, at the Prophet's feet!
And, that attitude has been transferred to my children----perhaps it is just the treats that they yearn for, but, in time, I pray it will be far more that they look forward to. For the older children that have already left the nest, I believe that they do consider Conference as valuable as I always have.
I just received today, an email from my daughter who is currently serving a mission for our church. She thanked me for her "conference treat box!" and told me that it provided great comfort to her to know that though we could not be with each other, at least we were all watching conference together---though the distances divide, we were united in our faith, our worship and the messages that we heard, those, we were able to share! She told me how grateful she was that I had always made the sacrifice to take all the children with me and to make it a rewarding experience. You see, many of their friends' parents would take turns attending sessions, so that the children did not have to sit through so many hours of church! But, to me, it was an honor to feel the spirit that was so strongly with those men and women of GOD! And, I was probably even more anxious to listen to all the sessions, because as a youth, we were in Marquette, Michigan and the area stations would only broadcast one session of the five! I had always wished that we could hear each and every session; but it just was NOT a possibility!
SO, my joy was full when I was newly married and I discovered that if we would just go to the Stake Center, where the satellite dish was, we could hear and see every session! What a blessing that has been to me for all these near 30 years! There are some talks that I will never ever forget, as long as I live! There are some moments, where the spirit was so very strong, that there just could be no doubt that a Prophet of GOD was speaking!
I am so very humbled that our Heavenly Father cares so very much about EACH of US that HE provides a Prophet, Apostles and other wonderful, dedicated and worthy leaders to guide, direct and lead us. These awesome men and women are much like the Savior, in that they live exemplary lives and radiate such a light that it just fills my soul with great joy and peace. I am so very grateful for them, for this gospel of Jesus Christ and for the daily help that is available to us all, if we will just pray earnestly! HE DOES HEAR and ANSWER our Prayers! And, HE does speak to HIS PROPHET and APOSTLES and HE DOES DIRECT HIS CHURCH---PERSONALLY! WE DO HAVE AN AWESOME GOD!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Carrie Ann Hildebrandt
Well, I had written an entire post for Carrie, and it was just swiftly swept away, thanks to the wonderful world of computer glitches! I will begin again! Carrie Ann is my 4th daughter, 5th child. Carrie Ann was born in Ann Arbor, Michigan January 27th, 1990 at just after 1:00 in the morning. She was due February 4th and I was hoping that she would wait one more day and share my mother's birth date of February 5th! I had decided early on that I wanted to have a baby in each of the 12 months of the year. I had January covered with Christopher's birth! So, having a due date of February was perfect. I had the months of March, June and August covered as well...my plan was unfolding perfectly! But, it was not to be...
My mother had been able to come to assist me the latter part of January. I had (my now) weekly appointment with the Nurse Mid-wife on January 26th, and I had a long list of things to do that day as well. Mom stayed with the other children at our apartment at the University of Michigan's student housing while I took myself to my "routine" appointment. I was still suffering from nausea and vomiting. I had been losing weight throughout the pregnancy--this was typical for me. I think I had only gained 10 pounds by this time, and I was just days away from being full term! The one thing that was NOT typical was a reoccurring sense that I was NOT pregnant. NOW because I had gained so little, it might have just been that, but, when I would lay down on my bed, and I tried to feel my baby, it seemed that I was NOT pregnant. It was such an odd feeling, and it was very unsettling. I decided that I would just mention it to the nurse mid-wife. I will always be eternally grateful that I did. Rather than just dismiss my unsettled feelings, she insisted that we do a fetal stress test. During the test, I could see that the technician was concerned. After the test, I met again with the mid-wife, and she told me that she had some concerns and felt it was imperative that I be admitted immediately.
I told her that today just was NOT a good day for me. I told her that I just had too many pressing errands, but, I told her that I would happily return after I had done at least a few things on my list. Then, the Mid-wife shocked me by stating that if I left the hospital then, she could NOT guarantee that my baby would survive. Well, that got my attention! I tearfully called my mother and told her that I was being admitted right that minute and I requested that she convey the news to Gary. I then began praying fervently for the safety of my baby.
I was given an IV and they began to administer pitocin to induce labor. But, the dosage, though it produced contractions, did NOT effectively help in the progression of the labor. So, I was given a hand-held mask and was told that with the contractions, I could inhale the nitrous oxide to help mitigate the pain. Gary was sitting in the chair next to my bed and dosed off and on through-out the night. Steadily over eight hours, they increased the dose, but, to no avail. I was no closer to delivering the baby, and the signs of fetal distress were becoming more and more alarming. By the time midnight arrived, an OB/GYN was in my room telling me that they could wait no longer to deliver the baby. I was going to have to sign the papers and they would be prepping me for a C-Section. I was scared and I was concerned for the life of my baby. I prayed once again, and pleaded with the Lord to allow the baby to be born, safely and swiftly.
Then, just minutes after they had turned OFF the pitocin drip, I had a SUPER contraction. Then, another and another. The pain was so very intense, it was all I could do to just hold onto the mask and inhale the nitrous as deeply as possible! By the time the fourth contraction hit, I was unable to move the mask from my face, but, I could feel the baby crowning! Gary, was asleep and I could not get his attention. I prayed again for help and the nurse entered the room. As she lifted the sheet to check me, she saw the baby crowning and things began to roll! Within the next 10 minutes, Carrie was born! It was then clear as to the reason her heart-rate dropped with her movements and with my contractions. The cord was wrapped multiple times and so very tightly around her tiny neck! It took a great deal of effort just to cut the cord from around her neck! How grateful I was that the nurse mid-wife was so very in tune. I knew at that moment that had I left the hospital that day, without mentioning my fears, without that stress test, Carrie would have strangled to death prior to a chance at birth. What a miracle and a huge blessing!
My mother had been able to come to assist me the latter part of January. I had (my now) weekly appointment with the Nurse Mid-wife on January 26th, and I had a long list of things to do that day as well. Mom stayed with the other children at our apartment at the University of Michigan's student housing while I took myself to my "routine" appointment. I was still suffering from nausea and vomiting. I had been losing weight throughout the pregnancy--this was typical for me. I think I had only gained 10 pounds by this time, and I was just days away from being full term! The one thing that was NOT typical was a reoccurring sense that I was NOT pregnant. NOW because I had gained so little, it might have just been that, but, when I would lay down on my bed, and I tried to feel my baby, it seemed that I was NOT pregnant. It was such an odd feeling, and it was very unsettling. I decided that I would just mention it to the nurse mid-wife. I will always be eternally grateful that I did. Rather than just dismiss my unsettled feelings, she insisted that we do a fetal stress test. During the test, I could see that the technician was concerned. After the test, I met again with the mid-wife, and she told me that she had some concerns and felt it was imperative that I be admitted immediately.
I told her that today just was NOT a good day for me. I told her that I just had too many pressing errands, but, I told her that I would happily return after I had done at least a few things on my list. Then, the Mid-wife shocked me by stating that if I left the hospital then, she could NOT guarantee that my baby would survive. Well, that got my attention! I tearfully called my mother and told her that I was being admitted right that minute and I requested that she convey the news to Gary. I then began praying fervently for the safety of my baby.
I was given an IV and they began to administer pitocin to induce labor. But, the dosage, though it produced contractions, did NOT effectively help in the progression of the labor. So, I was given a hand-held mask and was told that with the contractions, I could inhale the nitrous oxide to help mitigate the pain. Gary was sitting in the chair next to my bed and dosed off and on through-out the night. Steadily over eight hours, they increased the dose, but, to no avail. I was no closer to delivering the baby, and the signs of fetal distress were becoming more and more alarming. By the time midnight arrived, an OB/GYN was in my room telling me that they could wait no longer to deliver the baby. I was going to have to sign the papers and they would be prepping me for a C-Section. I was scared and I was concerned for the life of my baby. I prayed once again, and pleaded with the Lord to allow the baby to be born, safely and swiftly.
Then, just minutes after they had turned OFF the pitocin drip, I had a SUPER contraction. Then, another and another. The pain was so very intense, it was all I could do to just hold onto the mask and inhale the nitrous as deeply as possible! By the time the fourth contraction hit, I was unable to move the mask from my face, but, I could feel the baby crowning! Gary, was asleep and I could not get his attention. I prayed again for help and the nurse entered the room. As she lifted the sheet to check me, she saw the baby crowning and things began to roll! Within the next 10 minutes, Carrie was born! It was then clear as to the reason her heart-rate dropped with her movements and with my contractions. The cord was wrapped multiple times and so very tightly around her tiny neck! It took a great deal of effort just to cut the cord from around her neck! How grateful I was that the nurse mid-wife was so very in tune. I knew at that moment that had I left the hospital that day, without mentioning my fears, without that stress test, Carrie would have strangled to death prior to a chance at birth. What a miracle and a huge blessing!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Colleen Janelle Hildebrandt
It has been a few posts since I have focused on my children---so, I will continue on with my fourth child; third daughter. Colleen was born August 26, 1988. It was of course, the hottest summer on record, and the heat wave did NOT cease UNTIL the day AFTER Colleen was born!!! I remember early in my pregnancy with Colleen there were some huge trials. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and during her subsequent surgery and recovery, I was so very ill with "morning sickness!" I never ever will understand why it is called "MORNING SICKNESS" as for me, it was all day and all night sickness! I was usually admitted to the hospital for dehydration because I could not keep much of anything down early in my pregnancies. SO, in the midst of feeling so very miserable, I wanted to spend as much time with my Mother as I could. Additionally, after Mom's surgery, I found myself grappling with some shocking news of my own. My physician told me that I had breast cancer and an immediate surgery might be necessary. I had had some bloody exudate and so, a mammogram was scheduled. I was more upset that I would NOT be able to nurse my baby, than with the actual cancer news. All of my maternal relatives had had breast cancer, so I was resigned to that being my future. But, I was not prepared to deal with it at the age of 29! I was sure I would be allowed to have and nurse all my babies before that was my fate. AND, I had always planned on at least a dozen children! I must say that I was truly blessed in that I was able to have all 11 of my children and to nurse 10 of my children without ever having to face the diagnosis of cancer after this first scare!
Providently, the mammogram proved that I did NOT in fact have cancer. And, I was able to complete the pregnancy and have my daughter. I know that I did, in fact, relish nursing her far more than I had my other children. Funny how the threat of a loss helps you to savor what you do have! Colleen was a beautiful baby! AND, it was such an easy labor and delivery! She was nearly 9 pounds and for me, the bigger the baby, the easier it was for me to deliver that baby! I remember looking at her and just feeling so much joy and love! I have never found the miracle of birth anything but divine and a truly spiritual and elevating experience! What an overwhelming gift it is to participate in the bringing forth life! I would have stayed in that phase of my life forever if I only could have! To me, there is simply no other thing that I have done on this earth that even comes close to being as grand and glorious! It is such an honor and a privilege to be a part of this process of Heavenly Father's Plan of happiness. To be a co-creator and to witness HIS hand in every facet of this birth process is so very humbling and amazing to me.
Colleen's name was chosen by her father. He had seen a video called "The Award" and the heroine of the movie was a young woman named "Colleen" I thought it was sweet that he had selected that name and wanted to show her the video as she matured in the hopes that she too, would be a force for good and righteousness! Is that not what we want for all of our children? To help them find a hero to follow and to encourage them to model their lives after that hero! That is exactly what our Heavenly Father and Mother wish for us as well! And, THEY have provided that HERO to follow! They sent THEIR PERFECT SON, Jesus Christ, to show us the way that will lead us back to life with THEM! HE, Jesus, IS the perfect role-model! There just is not any situation that we will encounter that IF we will but follow HIM, we will succeed! That is just another witness to me that our Heavenly Parents DO want us to come back to them! They have done all possible to provide for our success! All we have to do is TRUST THEM and FOLLOW the Savior that they have provided!
Colleen has always loved her Savior. It was Colleen that would wear the WWJD bracelets and the only jewelry around her neck was a crucifix. Colleen has a very sensitive soul and she has always fought for the outcast and the loner. Colleen has a tender heart and she has always been sensitive and demonstrative. Colleen was the one that stepped up to the plate and took on so many of the household tasks while I was working long hours---18 hour shifts and so, for some time, was only able to work and sleep! I never ever heard her murmur with the increased work load. At this time, I still had 8 at home and Colleen essentially was the mom! I will never ever be able to express my deepest gratitude and love for Colleen! Her self-less service to her family was crucial and was the only reason our family did survive some of the darkest days I was ever forced to face.
I know that each of my children are very special spirit children of OUR Heavenly Parents. I know that they each have come to me with their own unique gifts and talents and I know that they each have enriched my life beyond measure, beyond my ability to express my deep felt gratitude and love. And, I pray that each of my children----especially Colleen, at this point and time---will know how I love and adore them. Colleen, you are a beautiful, special and choice daughter of God and it has been my privilege and my greatest honor to know you and to share this briefest---(for to me it is all too brief before they do leave my nest and venture out into the world!) period of time. Thankfully, we are working toward becoming an eternal family unit and it is my most fervent wish that we will be together forever, living forever in the presence of our Heavenly Parents and OUR BELOVED Savior!
I really do love you, Colleen!
Providently, the mammogram proved that I did NOT in fact have cancer. And, I was able to complete the pregnancy and have my daughter. I know that I did, in fact, relish nursing her far more than I had my other children. Funny how the threat of a loss helps you to savor what you do have! Colleen was a beautiful baby! AND, it was such an easy labor and delivery! She was nearly 9 pounds and for me, the bigger the baby, the easier it was for me to deliver that baby! I remember looking at her and just feeling so much joy and love! I have never found the miracle of birth anything but divine and a truly spiritual and elevating experience! What an overwhelming gift it is to participate in the bringing forth life! I would have stayed in that phase of my life forever if I only could have! To me, there is simply no other thing that I have done on this earth that even comes close to being as grand and glorious! It is such an honor and a privilege to be a part of this process of Heavenly Father's Plan of happiness. To be a co-creator and to witness HIS hand in every facet of this birth process is so very humbling and amazing to me.
Colleen's name was chosen by her father. He had seen a video called "The Award" and the heroine of the movie was a young woman named "Colleen" I thought it was sweet that he had selected that name and wanted to show her the video as she matured in the hopes that she too, would be a force for good and righteousness! Is that not what we want for all of our children? To help them find a hero to follow and to encourage them to model their lives after that hero! That is exactly what our Heavenly Father and Mother wish for us as well! And, THEY have provided that HERO to follow! They sent THEIR PERFECT SON, Jesus Christ, to show us the way that will lead us back to life with THEM! HE, Jesus, IS the perfect role-model! There just is not any situation that we will encounter that IF we will but follow HIM, we will succeed! That is just another witness to me that our Heavenly Parents DO want us to come back to them! They have done all possible to provide for our success! All we have to do is TRUST THEM and FOLLOW the Savior that they have provided!
Colleen has always loved her Savior. It was Colleen that would wear the WWJD bracelets and the only jewelry around her neck was a crucifix. Colleen has a very sensitive soul and she has always fought for the outcast and the loner. Colleen has a tender heart and she has always been sensitive and demonstrative. Colleen was the one that stepped up to the plate and took on so many of the household tasks while I was working long hours---18 hour shifts and so, for some time, was only able to work and sleep! I never ever heard her murmur with the increased work load. At this time, I still had 8 at home and Colleen essentially was the mom! I will never ever be able to express my deepest gratitude and love for Colleen! Her self-less service to her family was crucial and was the only reason our family did survive some of the darkest days I was ever forced to face.
I know that each of my children are very special spirit children of OUR Heavenly Parents. I know that they each have come to me with their own unique gifts and talents and I know that they each have enriched my life beyond measure, beyond my ability to express my deep felt gratitude and love. And, I pray that each of my children----especially Colleen, at this point and time---will know how I love and adore them. Colleen, you are a beautiful, special and choice daughter of God and it has been my privilege and my greatest honor to know you and to share this briefest---(for to me it is all too brief before they do leave my nest and venture out into the world!) period of time. Thankfully, we are working toward becoming an eternal family unit and it is my most fervent wish that we will be together forever, living forever in the presence of our Heavenly Parents and OUR BELOVED Savior!
I really do love you, Colleen!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Pioneer Day, Pioneer Heritage
OK, so hopefully I have not missed the chance to post on this day! Pioneer Day is celebrated here in Utah July 24th! It is a state holiday in which all the area businesses are closed and there are parades and picnics and fireworks---fireworks that rival those on July 4th! At least that is the way it used to be. This evening, though, for the first time in years, the city did NOT set off fireworks. Evidently, it is now considered an affront to celebrate such a "religious" holiday. There are those that are not "MORMON" and do not share the legacy of faith and sacrifice exhibited by the pioneers that settled this state.
You know, it really is not at all about religion---at least it doesn't have to be. I think that any group of people that served humanity as well, should absolutely be honored. I happily celebrate other holidays that are not exclusively my own or relate to my own heritage. I wear green on St. Patrick's Day and I am neither Catholic or Irish! BUT, I can get just as excited about going "green" as anyone else! Why is it that we are all so very easily offended by other's beliefs and traditions? Why can we not all be happy for the distinct heritages and, as a courtesy, be tolerant and polite and be genuinely happy to honor and celebrate with other cultures, people and religions--- those fore bearers that have given us whatever honorable legacy that they have?
I am so very proud and feel a great sense of reverence for my own pioneer heritage. I am in awe of the multitude of sacrifices and the legacy of faith and perseverance. There are so many lessons that the pioneers left for us all---whether we are their direct descendants or not!
For instance, did you know that the Mormon Trail was improved upon by each company that used it, for the express purpose of making the trail more passable and pleasant for the next group to traverse its path? That is in stark contrast to the California/Oregon Trail. Those travelers, bent upon seeking their own fortunes, and so filled with greed, were intent to prevent any future travelers from ever making the journey---or at least they were willing to destroy the path and make the journey far more arduous. In this day where sacrifice and concern for others seems to be so very rare, I feel it is imperative that we hold aloft that pioneer behavior as an ensign to all people. How wonderful it would be if we had far more individuals that were willing to emulate that type of behavior. All of society benefits when we focus on such positive role models. Isn't it these type of morals and values that we desperately need to inculcate in our youth of today? How do we do that UNLESS we honor and celebrate those who have shown such character---not just in a time of ease and luxury, but, during some of the most difficult and trying times of privation and struggle? Believe me, the pioneers did not have a life of ease, and yet, most did, in fact, exhibit the greatest kind of self-sacrifice and concern and character imaginable!
Many left well established, comfortable homes and communities. Many were forced out into the winter cold to suffer, and some died due to the cruel, harsh exposure to the bitter elements. They had no idea where they would eventually settle. They just knew they were to head west, following their newly appointed Prophet and leader, Brigham Young. And, in spite of the most severe persecution and hostile treatment---many lost their homes to deliberately set fires, or they were driven at gun-point, from their lands---none of the Mormon Pioneer's sought to return evil for the evil way in which they were treated! They submissively left home, lands and possessions in order to seek a haven in the west where they could worship GOD and peacefully live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Remember that when they fled the Midwest, there were no Walmart stores, no 7-Eleven convenience stores with which to purchase needed supplies! They had to rely on the Lord, and upon their wits and they were so very creative in meeting their needs!
Again, I say, I am in awe of the great sacrifices and the great courage, strength and perseverance exhibited daily as the pioneers went west to find a refuge from the hatred and abuse of those who misunderstood them. Today, I reverence their memory and their legacy and I pray for an increase in tolerance for all. I am certain that tolerance and true love of all mankind is what they would seek for us, especially since that is what was denied to them! I long for the day when all men and women can treat each other as the Savior taught us to treat each other. And, I am certain that the most important thing I can do, is make certain that I behave so within the walls of my own home, in my own community and among my own family, neighbors, acquaintances and friends. "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with ME!"
You know, it really is not at all about religion---at least it doesn't have to be. I think that any group of people that served humanity as well, should absolutely be honored. I happily celebrate other holidays that are not exclusively my own or relate to my own heritage. I wear green on St. Patrick's Day and I am neither Catholic or Irish! BUT, I can get just as excited about going "green" as anyone else! Why is it that we are all so very easily offended by other's beliefs and traditions? Why can we not all be happy for the distinct heritages and, as a courtesy, be tolerant and polite and be genuinely happy to honor and celebrate with other cultures, people and religions--- those fore bearers that have given us whatever honorable legacy that they have?
I am so very proud and feel a great sense of reverence for my own pioneer heritage. I am in awe of the multitude of sacrifices and the legacy of faith and perseverance. There are so many lessons that the pioneers left for us all---whether we are their direct descendants or not!
For instance, did you know that the Mormon Trail was improved upon by each company that used it, for the express purpose of making the trail more passable and pleasant for the next group to traverse its path? That is in stark contrast to the California/Oregon Trail. Those travelers, bent upon seeking their own fortunes, and so filled with greed, were intent to prevent any future travelers from ever making the journey---or at least they were willing to destroy the path and make the journey far more arduous. In this day where sacrifice and concern for others seems to be so very rare, I feel it is imperative that we hold aloft that pioneer behavior as an ensign to all people. How wonderful it would be if we had far more individuals that were willing to emulate that type of behavior. All of society benefits when we focus on such positive role models. Isn't it these type of morals and values that we desperately need to inculcate in our youth of today? How do we do that UNLESS we honor and celebrate those who have shown such character---not just in a time of ease and luxury, but, during some of the most difficult and trying times of privation and struggle? Believe me, the pioneers did not have a life of ease, and yet, most did, in fact, exhibit the greatest kind of self-sacrifice and concern and character imaginable!
Many left well established, comfortable homes and communities. Many were forced out into the winter cold to suffer, and some died due to the cruel, harsh exposure to the bitter elements. They had no idea where they would eventually settle. They just knew they were to head west, following their newly appointed Prophet and leader, Brigham Young. And, in spite of the most severe persecution and hostile treatment---many lost their homes to deliberately set fires, or they were driven at gun-point, from their lands---none of the Mormon Pioneer's sought to return evil for the evil way in which they were treated! They submissively left home, lands and possessions in order to seek a haven in the west where they could worship GOD and peacefully live the gospel of Jesus Christ. Remember that when they fled the Midwest, there were no Walmart stores, no 7-Eleven convenience stores with which to purchase needed supplies! They had to rely on the Lord, and upon their wits and they were so very creative in meeting their needs!
Again, I say, I am in awe of the great sacrifices and the great courage, strength and perseverance exhibited daily as the pioneers went west to find a refuge from the hatred and abuse of those who misunderstood them. Today, I reverence their memory and their legacy and I pray for an increase in tolerance for all. I am certain that tolerance and true love of all mankind is what they would seek for us, especially since that is what was denied to them! I long for the day when all men and women can treat each other as the Savior taught us to treat each other. And, I am certain that the most important thing I can do, is make certain that I behave so within the walls of my own home, in my own community and among my own family, neighbors, acquaintances and friends. "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with ME!"
Monday, July 14, 2008
Reverence
I am going to depart yet one more time from my tributes to my children. It has struck me that we as a society have lost so very much in such a short period of time. I am referring to a sense of courteous regard and reverence for things that are sacred and holy. All around, in so many facets of life, I see those individuals and even groups that are blatantly mocking, ridiculing and deriding people, customs, ideals and practices that just a couple of generations ago were given proper respect and held in quiet awe.
With the media's control over the minds of those that submerge themselves in it's filth, I do not see much hope in a return to an attitude of reverence for our society as a whole. The only hope we have will come from a groundswell of individuals, families and communities that are able to shake off the shackles of the media's deadening of the soul's innate light. The light of Christ is given to all, but, we can extinguish that light so easily if we are not diligent in nourishing the thoughts and feelings that are pure, sacred, holy and divine.
While working in a care center several years ago, I had the privilege of caring for those that had lived long lives and now were no longer able to care for themselves. It was one of the most rewarding of all my experiences, and yet, it was also one of the saddest experiences--in that so many were just treated as cast-offs by their families. Rarely did some even see a family member. There were a few that had loving support and frequent visits from their loved ones, but, unfortunately, that was the exception, rather than the rule. And, this is a small community! I firmly believe that there is a strong correlation between how we honor, care and respect our elderly (and our young) and our level of Christian charity in our homes and our community.
Of the myriad of my experiences in that setting, I would like to share one poignant event. I had cared for Mr. Jones (not his real name) for many months. I watched as he rather rapidly lost all ability to care for himself and then, as he lost his mobility as well. He had been a farmer, and his body was used to hard labor. But, once relegated to the confines of his tiny room, with no useful work required of him, he deteriorated so quickly. Having witnessed the final breaths of several of the residents, I was certain that he, too, was near to drawing his last breath. A few of the Nursing Assistants that I supervised stood reverently with me as I held his hands. Tears welled up in my eyes and were spilling down my cheeks as I felt the spirit so very strongly. I have felt such an awe and reverence for the experiences of both the end of life;death and the beginning of life;birth. The spirit at each of these sacred events has always touched me deeply. Well, as I said, there were three of us, just quietly standing by as Mr. Jones was entering the after-life. I was not the only one shedding tears either, when, another Nursing Assistant abruptly entered the room and loudly asked, "Well, is he dead yet?" The sacred feeling fled and I now was crying for the affront to Mr. Jones. How is it possible that anyone can become so very callous to others? Did it help that I explained the sense of HEARING is the last sense to shut-down during death? NO, my entreaties for an increase of respect for the deceased fell on deaf ears.
All I can do is pray that I never lose my sense of the sacred and try even harder to instill those values and sensitivities in my own children. Unfortunately, a sense of reverence can not be imparted from one to another, rather, it must come from deep within our own spiritual reservoir. If we choose to seek and develop it, we can. But, it is a journey that is individual. And, as one of our Primary Children's Songs states, Reverence is MORE than Just Quietly Sitting, It's thinking of Father Above---It's a FEELING! It is deep devotion and awe coupled with quiet reflection.
Some of the things I hold in high regard, I reverence and I revere are:
1.) The Sacrifice and Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ!
2.) The GODHEAD, meaning our Heavenly Father, His SON Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. Three distinct personages with three separate responsibilities yet all sharing the same mission, that of ministering to us! How amazing is that!
3.) The Sacrifice of all those that have provided us with our freedoms, our privileges---not just those that have fought and died for our country, but those that all throughout time have laid down their lives in defense of what they believed. Take William Tyndale, he suffered for 18 months and was finally strangled and burned to death. His crime? He translated the Bible so that the layman would be able to understand and read it! History is replete with such hero's! They ALL deserve our love, adoration and reverence.
4.) Birth
5.) Death
6.) Those that are suffering, the handicapped, the aged, the infirm and all children.
7.) Marriage between a man and a woman; baptism and any other ordinance
8.) The scriptures, all sacred writings
9.) Holy Edifices, such as our churches, Temples etc.
10.) Our flag
11.) Our bodies, which means we do not expose our bodies, but we dress modestly and do not purposely mar or destroy it.
12.) Our parents and grandparents--our families
That is just the short list. I am certain there are many others that could be added to the list. BUT suffice it to say that we as a society must return to a sense of reverence or in time, we will find that there will be no regard for any one's feelings or respect for anyone or anything at all.
Finally, I wish to plead with any reading this post to reject the current tide of profanity. I believe that as we allow and accept the current trend of increased profanity, the coarsening of our society will continue. We must stand firm and be better examples of purity in our vocabularies and lead out in expressing ourselves with civility and courtesy! May we all become a leavening agent and the much needed antidote to our society's current degradation.
With the media's control over the minds of those that submerge themselves in it's filth, I do not see much hope in a return to an attitude of reverence for our society as a whole. The only hope we have will come from a groundswell of individuals, families and communities that are able to shake off the shackles of the media's deadening of the soul's innate light. The light of Christ is given to all, but, we can extinguish that light so easily if we are not diligent in nourishing the thoughts and feelings that are pure, sacred, holy and divine.
While working in a care center several years ago, I had the privilege of caring for those that had lived long lives and now were no longer able to care for themselves. It was one of the most rewarding of all my experiences, and yet, it was also one of the saddest experiences--in that so many were just treated as cast-offs by their families. Rarely did some even see a family member. There were a few that had loving support and frequent visits from their loved ones, but, unfortunately, that was the exception, rather than the rule. And, this is a small community! I firmly believe that there is a strong correlation between how we honor, care and respect our elderly (and our young) and our level of Christian charity in our homes and our community.
Of the myriad of my experiences in that setting, I would like to share one poignant event. I had cared for Mr. Jones (not his real name) for many months. I watched as he rather rapidly lost all ability to care for himself and then, as he lost his mobility as well. He had been a farmer, and his body was used to hard labor. But, once relegated to the confines of his tiny room, with no useful work required of him, he deteriorated so quickly. Having witnessed the final breaths of several of the residents, I was certain that he, too, was near to drawing his last breath. A few of the Nursing Assistants that I supervised stood reverently with me as I held his hands. Tears welled up in my eyes and were spilling down my cheeks as I felt the spirit so very strongly. I have felt such an awe and reverence for the experiences of both the end of life;death and the beginning of life;birth. The spirit at each of these sacred events has always touched me deeply. Well, as I said, there were three of us, just quietly standing by as Mr. Jones was entering the after-life. I was not the only one shedding tears either, when, another Nursing Assistant abruptly entered the room and loudly asked, "Well, is he dead yet?" The sacred feeling fled and I now was crying for the affront to Mr. Jones. How is it possible that anyone can become so very callous to others? Did it help that I explained the sense of HEARING is the last sense to shut-down during death? NO, my entreaties for an increase of respect for the deceased fell on deaf ears.
All I can do is pray that I never lose my sense of the sacred and try even harder to instill those values and sensitivities in my own children. Unfortunately, a sense of reverence can not be imparted from one to another, rather, it must come from deep within our own spiritual reservoir. If we choose to seek and develop it, we can. But, it is a journey that is individual. And, as one of our Primary Children's Songs states, Reverence is MORE than Just Quietly Sitting, It's thinking of Father Above---It's a FEELING! It is deep devotion and awe coupled with quiet reflection.
Some of the things I hold in high regard, I reverence and I revere are:
1.) The Sacrifice and Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ!
2.) The GODHEAD, meaning our Heavenly Father, His SON Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost. Three distinct personages with three separate responsibilities yet all sharing the same mission, that of ministering to us! How amazing is that!
3.) The Sacrifice of all those that have provided us with our freedoms, our privileges---not just those that have fought and died for our country, but those that all throughout time have laid down their lives in defense of what they believed. Take William Tyndale, he suffered for 18 months and was finally strangled and burned to death. His crime? He translated the Bible so that the layman would be able to understand and read it! History is replete with such hero's! They ALL deserve our love, adoration and reverence.
4.) Birth
5.) Death
6.) Those that are suffering, the handicapped, the aged, the infirm and all children.
7.) Marriage between a man and a woman; baptism and any other ordinance
8.) The scriptures, all sacred writings
9.) Holy Edifices, such as our churches, Temples etc.
10.) Our flag
11.) Our bodies, which means we do not expose our bodies, but we dress modestly and do not purposely mar or destroy it.
12.) Our parents and grandparents--our families
That is just the short list. I am certain there are many others that could be added to the list. BUT suffice it to say that we as a society must return to a sense of reverence or in time, we will find that there will be no regard for any one's feelings or respect for anyone or anything at all.
Finally, I wish to plead with any reading this post to reject the current tide of profanity. I believe that as we allow and accept the current trend of increased profanity, the coarsening of our society will continue. We must stand firm and be better examples of purity in our vocabularies and lead out in expressing ourselves with civility and courtesy! May we all become a leavening agent and the much needed antidote to our society's current degradation.
Friday, July 4, 2008
United States of AMERICA---land that I LOVE!!!
THIS is one of my favorite holidays today! I LOVE the 4th of July; NOT for the picnics, NOT for the summertime activities available, not even totally for the fireworks! NO, I LOVE the 4th of July because it is a day of reverent celebration for me, personally! I have cringed with complete disdain as I have witnessed HISTORY REVISIONISM try to tear apart and destroy the great Founding Father's reputations. I have been near tears as I have heard from youth, their lack of respect or reverence for those great men and women of yester-years, and for the lack of respect and reverence for those who bravely and courageously choose to fight to keep this great land free today!
I do not know exactly how I became such a devoted patriot. My father served our country, yet he did not speak much of that service. But, as a young girl, I devoured biographies! I loved to read about real people and their lives. I know I read biographies of many of the great men and women that provided us with our freedoms today. I was deeply moved at their willingness to trade their tomorrows so that I could have my today! I guess I have felt that there really is no way to properly or adequately show my deep sense of gratitude for their ultimate sacrifices and honorable service! Yet, if I always retain in my memory and I share my awe and gratitude with my children and my grandchildren, perhaps I can be a part of a legacy of love and appreciation for this land, our freedom and my immense love and appreciation for those that have, from it's inception, made our freedom a reality!
I hope and pray that my family will NEVER forget nor take for granted the truth that our freedom has never come free! That a great deal of precious blood was spilt in order for us to have all the rights and privileges that we enjoy. And, that each individual that has sacrificed their all for others; for us, is in fact, a type of Savior! How grateful I am for our divine Redeemer, OUR SAVIOR who not only gave HIS life for us, but HE LIVED A PERFECT LIFE for us. His life was the perfect example of how we can find true liberty---freedom from sin, guilt, hate, destructive habits and behaviors. HE led the way and gave to us the LIGHT by which we can navigate through the dark days that often plague us as we journey on this earth.
I do not know exactly how I became such a devoted patriot. My father served our country, yet he did not speak much of that service. But, as a young girl, I devoured biographies! I loved to read about real people and their lives. I know I read biographies of many of the great men and women that provided us with our freedoms today. I was deeply moved at their willingness to trade their tomorrows so that I could have my today! I guess I have felt that there really is no way to properly or adequately show my deep sense of gratitude for their ultimate sacrifices and honorable service! Yet, if I always retain in my memory and I share my awe and gratitude with my children and my grandchildren, perhaps I can be a part of a legacy of love and appreciation for this land, our freedom and my immense love and appreciation for those that have, from it's inception, made our freedom a reality!
I hope and pray that my family will NEVER forget nor take for granted the truth that our freedom has never come free! That a great deal of precious blood was spilt in order for us to have all the rights and privileges that we enjoy. And, that each individual that has sacrificed their all for others; for us, is in fact, a type of Savior! How grateful I am for our divine Redeemer, OUR SAVIOR who not only gave HIS life for us, but HE LIVED A PERFECT LIFE for us. His life was the perfect example of how we can find true liberty---freedom from sin, guilt, hate, destructive habits and behaviors. HE led the way and gave to us the LIGHT by which we can navigate through the dark days that often plague us as we journey on this earth.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
