TO ALL MY MARRIED FRIENDS....

I spent so much time and money on resources aimed at saving my marriage. Alas, it was all for naught. IT did NOT save that which was most precious in all the world to me. The ONLY thing more precious to me in this world are my children and my faith! BUT, as I reflect upon what I now should do with my life, I realize that it would be the best use of my time to help others avoid the extreme pain, sorrow and intense suffering that is associated with divorce. I hope to be able to assist my children in choosing wisely and I pray I can give them the tools that they will need to succeed! I would like to share some of the things that I have found, gathered and learned in the hopes that it will also benefit YOU. I wish for all those who are currently married to build upon that sacred union and pay the price----devote all your energies to nourish and strengthen and improve yourselves and your relationship----daily!

Some of the resources that are MOST vital are the books by John M.Gottman, Ph.D. He has spent over a quarter of a century studying marriages. HE has focused on what makes a marriage succeed! (whereas most have focused on what makes a marriage fail!) AND, he has learned so well the signs of a healthy, successful union, that within minutes of observing a couple, he can accurately predict whether they will remain happily married or not. IF I were married, I would make certain that these books by Dr. Gottman were a part of my library and I would study them frequently with my spouse! (just FYI, THESE are a part of my personal library---as well as about 30 other books! I am serious about this, and I intend to be a true resource for my children and anyone else who would care to ask for the resources I do have!)

These are all by John M. Gottman, Ph.D.

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail

What Predicts Divorce

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

The Relationship Cure

The Marriage Clinic

10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage

Additionally, I would include "Avoiding Emotional Divorce" as a must in my library---yes, I have done just that! and I have the movie FIREPROOF and I have the workbook called the LOVE DARE book and I would make certain that I was using that book from the very beginning of the marriage! BUT, it is something that can be used at any point and time. SO, if I were in a situation where I knew that improvement was needed, I would incorporate the 40 day challenge set forth in the LOVEDARE book! I would encourage anyone who is married to read and implement all these resources. THERE are so many more out there. BUT, these are the cream of the crop! And, these are written by those who have succeeded in their own marriages. They have deepened their relationships and have made their love their priority! THEY are the best examples in the secular world of what a marriage can be, what it was intended by GOD to be! I believe that we are here to determine whether we are going to be truly worthy of having a mate forever! IF we are NOT willing to give our all to our spouse, if we are NOT willing to sacrifice, to place their needs and desires and success above our own, if we are able to dispell all selfishness and self-righteousness and we are able to truly live and love and forgive and cherish our mate, then, and only then, do I believe we will be granted that sacred and most holy and highest of prizes---our UNION on into the eternities. YES we must be sealed by those holding the authority to seal us for time and all eternity! BUT the HOLY SPIRIT OF PROMISE does NOT seal all those unions! I believe that we are here to determine if we will in fact, be worthy of that most awesome gift of God. AND, believe me, I have seen so many---my own included---so very many marriages that are willingly just co-existing! That is NOT the union that our Heavenly Father desires we have forever! We must work to be worthy of and to love enough and cherish enough; that blessed mate! I do not have that opportunity to work toward that goal, here and now. I lost that many years ago. BUT, with all my heart and soul, I implore you who have not lost that chance, to work all the harder and to make your marriages what GOD intended them to be! I implore you to forget about seeking out others to fulfill whatever void you may feel, and turn to your spouse and work it out! THAT will be the ONLY true way to find the JOY and HEAVEN ON EARTH that can come with a righteous and covenant marriage.

SO, with all my heart, I implore those of you who are able to work, to do just that! FIND every and all of the very best resources out there! Pick those that fit best your situation! NEVER give up that dream of making your union the most sweet and heavenly union possible! LIVE for each other and shower each other with the love, the purest love possible. I pray that my children who are currently engaged and planning to wed, will also read, study, pray and ponder all that they must become in order to be a success in this, the greatest of all adventures possible on this planet!