A Teaching Moment

My daughter, Carrie, just recently turned eighteen. With that birthday, she has assumed that certain family rules no longer applied---such as her curfew. We have a standing rule that on week-nights, those that are of dating age, ie. 16 years old, must go on group dates and return at 10 pm. On week-ends, they still must go with a group of friends and return by 11 pm.

Carrie has been very responsible and dependable. She has made certain that she returns BEFORE curfew! So, when she approached me and asked if her curfew, now that she was 18, could be extended to midnight. I was hesitant, but, since she has always been so very good about obeying the rules, and she has proven to be so very trustworthy, I consented.

Imagine my surprise when one of her first nights out with her new curfew, she did not return at midnight! I received no call, and I began to feel more alarm as the time passed. The other factor, which caused me no small alarm, was this date was a SINGLE date with a young man I did not know! One o'clock rolled by, no Carrie, then one-thirty! I was feeling the panic rise, and began praying more fervently. Finally, at two o'clock in the morning, Carrie quietly slipped in. I waited and listened. I was in no condition to confront her at that moment. So, when I realized she was home safe and without injury----I knew if something negative or bad had happened, she would have sought me out. I calmed down and finally drifted off to sleep.

The next day, Carrie came home during her school day for lunch. As she came close to me, I said to her, "Hey, aren't I supposed to be grounding you or something? I mean, 2 o'clock is quite a bit different from 12 midnight! Or were you confused about what time your curfew now is?" She sat down beside me and looked totally bewildered and said, "You were awake when I came in?" I then explained all the reasons I would NOT have been able to sleep while she was out so late by herself with a young man I DID NOT know! She laughed and said, "Oh, Mom, I am so sorry! I would have called, but I thought you would be sleeping!" She went on to explain all the reasons she was late and that she promised it would never happen again! I hugged her and thanked her for extending that promise. I told her that a Mom just can not have such a beautiful daughter and NOT be worried and concerned when she was gone!

It was a sweet exchange, and a memory that I will always cherish. I have found that waiting for the right moment, and using gentle humor has done more to strengthen the bonds of love between my children and myself than any lecture ever could. And, the added bonus: My children seek me out for counsel, comfort, companionship, encouragement and advice. It is such a joy to have them come to me! I just pray daily that when they come, I will know what to say and how to say it, and if they do not choose to come to me, that I will know how to gently let them know I am always there if they should want to talk -- about anything.