Kathryn June Hildebrandt

If you were to ask any of my children, who my favorite child was, I suspect they would ALL say my favorite was Kathryn! Please see one of my previous posts as to WHY that is! Anyway, Kathryn is my third child, second daughter. She was born June 19, 1986. So, I think it is appropriate that I post something for her since her 22nd birthday is in just a few days. She is currently serving a mission for our church in Phoenix, Arizona. She has put her education at BYU on hold, while she serves the Lord. She had just been accepted into Brigham Young University's Art Department. She loves all mediums of art, and wants to work toward a career in Art Therapy. She has done some remarkable art work. Actually, all my children are gifted artistically. Kathryn works so very hard at whatever she chooses to do, that her success is inevitable. You just cannot put forth the kind of effort Kathryn does and NOT succeed. She is a very determined, committed, talented, driven, intelligent, beautiful and dependable young woman. That is just the short list of her amazing qualities.

Yet, Kathryn could have very easily been aborted, if I had listened to the advice of my doctor. Here, then, is Kathryn's unique story:

Kathryn's story actually begins long before she was even conceived. I had been visiting with some friends of mine. We had been discussing child abuse. I am not sure why we gravitated to that topic, but, I remember sharing an incident I had experienced just after having given birth to Bonnie. I worked at Butterworth Hospital in Grand Rapids Michigan. I rotated shifts on the Pediatric floor and on the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit. The last night I ever accepted a shift on PICU was the night that a newborn boy was brought in. His father had decided he could no longer tolerate his cries and chose to throw that infant down the stairs. His broken little body hovered between life and death while I cared for him. I could not keep my supper down. It was devastating to me that anyone could harm such a tiny, innocent and totally defenseless baby. I cried and held my own tiny infant closer than ever, once I was home. It was that horrific memory that nearly had me convinced that abortion was warranted if the parents did not want the baby. I foolishly believed that it was far better that the baby never be born, than to suffer such abuse. I was in denial as to the pain and suffering that an aborted baby is subjected to as it is aborted. But, since I was married and had wanted at least a dozen children of my own, I really did not think the subject of abortion would ever be one I would ever have to seriously contemplate.

So, imagine my shock when, one day, approximately 6 months prior to Kathryn's conception, as I was walking into a supermarket with Bonnie and Christopher, a voice in my head said, "How selfish can you be?" I looked around! There was no one near! The voice repeated, "How selfish can you be?" I thought, "What have I done that is so selfish?" And then the floodgates, as it were, opened! Thoughts flooded my mind so quickly, it was difficult at first to sort through them all. But, basically the message was this: I was blessed to have been born here on earth. I had been given a body and my parents had sacrificed in order to provide me with that body. Now that I was married and in a position to do so, I, too, needed to sacrifice and provide as many spirits with bodies as I could. Additionally, I was to know that the spirits that were awaiting the gift of life and the gift of receiving a body---those spirits did NOT care what circumstances they were born into, they did not care what type of body they received, the most important thing was that every spirit be given an opportunity to have a body. It was pure selfishness on my part if I did not provide bodies for my spirit brothers and sisters if I had the ability to do so. I was a bit bewildered, because I had always intended to have at least a dozen children. ( Well, I did falter a bit in that determination after having had to suffer for all 9 months with hyper-emesis and dehydration with Bonnie! I thought, surely, Heavenly Father will not fault me for reducing the number of children I have when I am so deathly ill throughout the pregnancy! ) I think I probably said this in my mind in my defense! But, I was told in no uncertain terms that abortion was the greatest evil of our day and it was not pleasing to the Lord. I realized that my thoughts, that it would be better for the children to be aborted than to suffer, was not in keeping with the Lord's plan for His children and so, I repented of my position. I was a bit shocked that I would have such a dramatic answer come to my mere musings, but, I did not think about it again until six months later.....

It was early in October of 1985, Bonnie was nearly 4 years old, and Christopher was just 9 months old. We were living in Southfield, Michigan at this time. Gary worked at a Dental Office in the Southfield Mall. And, I had found a job opening up a Montessori School and watching the students that were dropped off early---as their parents were on their way to work. It was a fun job! I could bring my children and they could play with the students that were there with me for an hour or so before school started for them. Bonnie especially enjoyed the "friends" she could play with, and of course, it was also a thrill to play with all the toys at the school.

Gary's schedule at the Mall usually had him working afternoons and evenings. So, in the early morning hours that I needed to be at the Montessori School, I would try to take the kids so that Gary could rest and sleep in, if he wanted. I remember promising Bonnie that she could come with me, to the school, in the morning ---as I had put her to bed. Usually, Christopher would sleep all night at this point, and so, I had planned on getting up just a bit early in order to nurse him and change him and have him ready to go with us. But, Christopher awoke early and so, I nursed him, changed him and he quickly fell back to sleep. Bonnie, when she knew she would be going with me in the morning, was ALWAYS up and raring to go! But, she was fast asleep. I looked at both my sleeping babies, and the thought came, "Leave them in their beds, let them sleep!" I resisted and said in my mind, "If I leave them, they will wake up while I am gone and then, they will wake up Gary! I want Gary to be able to sleep in today!" But, the thought came yet again, "Let them sleep!" I thought, "Well, that would be so much easier, but, I promised Bonnie, and I just can not break my promise to her!" Yet, since I had just nursed Christopher, I was pretty sure he would remain asleep throughout the time I would be gone.

I hesitated, then shook off the promptings to leave the children in bed! I woke Bonnie up! But, by this time, I was running late, and so, I tried to hustle Bonnie into the car after hurriedly getting her dressed and having fixed her hair. I ALWAYS buckled my children! And, of course, I always placed Christopher in his car seat when he was with us. His seat was permanently secured behind the passenger seat of our four-door, orange colored Horizon. ( just as a side note, that Horizon vehicle should have been painted YELLOW! It was such a lemon! I had had to take it into the shop nearly weekly for over a month and just the week prior to this, I had in exasperation, asked the auto mechanic how much more would we need to do to get the car in proper functioning order! His reply was this: "Lady, if I were you, I would just get rid of it!" Little did I know that I would do exactly that! ) Anyway, for the first time EVER, I did NOT buckle Bonnie. We just jumped into the car and took off.

It was raining and dark out. As we neared the school, we approached an intersection. We were on a four-lane road. The lights were green for us and so, we were just about through the intersection, when without warning, the car in front of me stopped suddenly. I slammed on my brakes, but, due to the wet road conditions, we hydroplaned across the two lanes of on-coming cars and we were hit, broadside on our passenger side. It took a minute for me to comprehend what had just occurred. Then, I tried to move and locate Bonnie. The passenger door was up against me, and I was pinned to my seat. Panic flooded over me and I began to scream Bonnie's name. I remember thinking in that instant that I was NO ABRAHAM! I could NOT give up my firstborn! I pleaded and prayed with all the energy of my being that Bonnie was yet alive and not badly hurt. I heard a faint noise come from near my feet, and realized that it was Bonnie. Since she had NOT been buckled, she had been thrown to my feet. But, not until she had wiped the dash---radio dials and all---with her precious face. Her face was cut and bleeding! She had also sustained a serious fracture to her left leg. But, she was alive! Had she been buckled, she would have been crushed to death. Had Christopher been with us, he would have been killed as well. His car seat was mangled and completely crushed. ( FYI: I was NOT ticketed for NOT buckling Bonnie!)

A kind man asked for my husband's name and number after having called 911. Since we only had the one vehicle, Gary had to call his mother and request that she come and pick him up and meet us at the hospital. I always thought it was very interesting that he and his mother went FIRST to the impound lot, to check on the CAR!!! Anyway, I guess after seeing the totalled car, they decided they had better rush over to the Hospital! Our bishop, his wife and the Relief Society President all actually arrived at the hospital long before Gary and his mother.

Bonnie was on the exam table next to me in the Emergency Room and I was able to hold her hand and tried to comfort her as best as I could. As soon as Gary did arrive, I pleaded with him to stay with Bonnie and not leave her side. Christopher stayed with Gary's mother for the few days I was in the hospital, and then once I was released, my parents had Bonnie, Christopher and I stay with them while I was recovering. I had sustained multiple lacerations and bruises, 4 broken ribs, and had some kidney damage due to the impact.

I had had to undergo an IVP, which is a type of x-ray with radioactive dye---to check on the damaged kidney, along with all the x-rays to determine the extent of damage done to my ribs. I had been given potent pain medications and just the impact of the accident took its toll on my body. But, the worst was yet to come. Less than a week after the accident, I began to vomit. I was told to go back to the hospital for follow-up. It was then that I learned I was pregnant with my third baby! (Kathryn!) I was horrified! I was so hoping that the vomiting would be short-lived, since each time that I vomited, my broken ribs would MOVE!!! causing excruciating pain--the worst pain I had ever encountered! Now, I knew that the vomiting would NOT end, and my pain could NOT be medicated due to the pregnancy!

I went to see my OB/GYN doctor that next week. I told him of the accident--actually, my wounds were fairly obvious! Anyway, after explaining to him all that I had endured, his recommendation shocked me. He told me that given the impact, the narcotics and the radioactive dye and radiation from the multiple x-rays, he wanted me to undergo a D and C! He was suggesting that I have an abortion! I was dumbfounded! Here it was! The very situation I never ever expected to face. My doctor was telling me that there was no way that I would be able to have a normal healthy baby given all that had happened. Thankfully, I instantly recalled my dramatic experience regarding abortion and I was firm in my response. I WOULD NOT abort this baby. Whatever the outcome, this spirit wanted this body and I was not going to deny that spirit a chance to have a body---whatever that may mean. My doctor was not happy. He made it clear that I was going against his recommendations and that there would likely be complications. I was unmoved.

How very grateful I was that a kind, loving and all-knowing Heavenly Father had provided me with a dramatic experience 6 months prior to my need! When faced with a very emotional and potentially soulfully painful decision, mercifully, the decision had already been made! I was already committed to never even entertaining abortion as an alternative.

It was the most difficult pregnancy I had had. Yet, my ribs did heal and 8 months later, we welcomed Kathryn into our home. She was so very perfect and beautiful! It was not until another 8 months had passed that we discovered she had suffered some effects from the accident. But, that is yet another story with yet another miracle and so, I will save that for yet another post....